TavernTroupePerformingOrder

JESTER the jester says: Tonight, we got a fine tale for ya. I'm utmost confidant you'll love it! It'll make ya laugh and cry! ...Or at any rate at least scowl and leave the room…

JESTER the jester tugs at his ear emphatically and a strong Gor'Tog takes his place at the only exit to the room.

JESTER the jester says: Ahh, there we are! Now! Let's get this show on the road!

JESTER the jester laces his hands and pushes them in front of them, forcing a loud POP out of them. With a sharp turn to his right, he stumbles off the stage and takes his place as narrator of the play.

JESTER the jester winks and the curtains fall back, revealing a small town setting. Small houses hug a quiet little street, where several people dressed exactly alike wander about their daily business.

JESTER recites:

Ders a little place called Wittledom, it's not on any map,

And at this place called Wittledom, everyone wears the same hat.

The same clothes, of palish blue, the same texture and same hue,

And in this town there's one who, our story takes a center to.

BALLADEER the balladeer wanders into the area, dressed in a clashing polka-doted tie, bright yellow spectacles, and a green vest. He looks about at the people in bewilderment.

BALLADEER sings:

How can it be, this land to me, a crazy place it is!

Full of people I can see, all dressed alike you cannot miss!

Like half a copper to a trader, they all seem insignificant...

What I need here is to liven things, and teach them a few tricks!

BALLADEER the balladeer gazes about the cobblestone street with a wistful look on his face. His eyes suddenly brighten and he shoves his finger in the air!

BALLADEER says: Eureka! ...Whoever that is… I think I had an aunt named Eureka... third aunt's stepmother twice removed? No, that was Burnice...

BALLADEER the balladeer obviously has a short attention span…thankfully the narrator is around to keep him a step ahead of things...

JESTER the jester's voice booms down from above!

JESTER says loudly: Ahem! And SO the good Bard BALLADEER had an idea!

BALLADEER says wistfully: I did? Someone really should tell me these things you know...

JESTER says grumpily: YES you did!

BALLADEER says slowly: Oh all right, all right...lessee..lessee... say, who said that anyway?

BALLADEER glances about with a look of confusion on his face.

JESTER yells: It doesn't matter ya babbling bard! Just get on with yerself! Your IDEA!

BALLADEER snorts.

BALLADEER says slowly: Fine, fine, my idea...oh yeah! To teach these folk the importance of bein' unique! I can do that... how hard can it be?

BALLADEER scratches his head.

BALLADEER says matter of factly: I'll just give a big play! Everyone can come see it, and it'll teach em' that it's important to be themselves! Instead of...well, what they are NOW.

BALLADEER the balladeer gestures at one of the passersby in disgust.

JESTER recites:

And so the new arriver of Wittledom,

Decided to change the good Wittledom's home,

By teaching them the wonders of being different,

He headed to the mayor's to seek a play permit!

BALLADEER the balladeer strolls into the crowd of people behind him, and the curtains close on the stage.

JESTER says cheerfully: What perils await our good friend BALLADEER?

JESTER gets a thoughtful expression on his face.

JESTER says helplessly: Will he save Wittledom from the horrors of bad garb?

JESTER ponders.

JESTER says hopelessly: Will he teach them the wonders of being individuals?

JESTER gasps!

JESTER says loudly: Will he ever find out who is behind this thundering voice?

JESTER says: Let's find out...to the mayor's office!

JESTER flails his arms.

JESTER the jester makes a sweeping movement with his arm and the curtains swing open, revealing the setting of a bar, where BALLADEER stands prominently in the doorway with a cheerful grin.

JESTER slaps his forehead!

JESTER grumpily exclaims: Ya no good poor excuse for a bard! There's time for that later! Get yer arse down to the cursed permits office!

JESTER the jester pulls his jester's hat over his face and you hear a few muddled curses come from underneath. The curtains swing shut once again, and within a few moments they open to reveal an organized office with a large desk resting in the center. The mayor of Wittledom rests behind it, writing something on a piece of parchment.

JESTER says: Ahh, much better.

BALLADEER the balladeer grumbles to himself.

SECRETARY the gorgeous secretary smiles upon BALLADEER's entrance.

SECRETARY says sweetly: Greetings good sir, can I help you?

BALLADEER the balladeer sucks in his gut and straightens up in the dazzling lady's presence.

JESTER the jester rolls his eyes and casually flicks one of the bells on his jester's hat.

BALLADEER says: Greetings to you! I seek a play permit! I am a traveling balladeer and upon entering your town I have noted it needs a livening up!

SECRETARY the secretary sings sweetly :

Working for the mayor, day in and day out,

Holding the napkin, while he blows his snout,

Bending over to pick up that darn ink pot and feather quill,

He somehow manages to always spill…

SECRETARY the gorgeous secretary sighs and announces BALLADEER's presence to the mayor.

MAYOR the disgruntled mayor looks up from his paperwork.

MAYOR says grumpily: What is it! I'm busy! I got work to do! Come back tomorrow!

MAYOR glares at BALLADEER.

BALLADEER the balladeer gulps and turns to leave…

JESTER slaps his forehead.

JESTER says firmly: Don't take that from him! YOU'RE the hero of this story! You can't just quit!

BALLADEER glances up in annoyance and mutters to himself before replying...

BALLADEER says: Well its not like I asked to be the hero of this story. It was your idea ya know!

JESTER gnashes his terrible teeth!

JESTER says: It's so hard to find good help these days…

BALLADEER says: Well its no wonder, pickin' people off the streets like ya do! I was just wanderin' around mindin' my own business and all of a sudden poof! Maybe an application of some sort wouldn't hurt before ya picked someone to be a hero...

BALLADEER the balladeer turns on his heel and stomps over to the mayor's desk!

BALLADEER says loudly: Look here! I want a permit and I want one now!

BALLADEER the balladeer stands up straight and places both hands on his hips in a heroic pose! From somewhere nearby you hear a chorus of wind instruments begin playing a valiant song.

BALLADEER says confidently: I'm a tax payin' citizen of this…err…of a town, and I demand it! I pay for your salary! You owe me!

BALLADEER says firmly: What is a town like Wittledom coming to when you can't make a simple request to its mayor without a load of hogwash from him! I may not know all, but I know when I'm entitled to something, and as sure as my uncle's name is Herbert, I'm entitled to this.

BALLADEER the balladeer glances at the mayor, who looks unmoved.

BALLADEER ponders.

BALLADEER says: Now are you gonna gimme a permit, or am I gonna have to get ugly with ya?!

BALLADEER shakes his fist!

MAYOR the disgruntled mayor snorts and shrugs his shoulders.

MAYOR says darkly: A permit!? A Permit! What you're saying is that YOU NEED A PERMIT!?

MAYOR the disgruntled mayor snarls in fury and leaps on his desk, glaring at BALLADEER like a madman!

BALLADEER says: Err.. if..if you...n't bu..busy..

BALLADEER clears his throat.

BALLADEER says: If you aren't busy…

MAYOR the disgruntled mayor's angered look vanishes and he flashes a cheerful smile, his cheeks reddening to a rosy color and his eyes brightening in delight.

MAYOR says cheerfully: Okey dokey. Here ya be good sir!

MAYOR the strangely-polite-and-cheerful-at-the-spur-of-the-moment-mayor shakes BALLADEER's hand and places a permit in it.

BALLADEER scratches his head.

BALLADEER says: Oh...thanks.

MAYOR the strangely-polite-and-cheerful-at-the-spur-of-the-moment-mayor hums to himself and sits down in his chair, going back to his work.

SECRETARY the gorgeous secretary pats BALLADEER on the shoulder.

SECRETARY says sweetly: Mayor gets that way...it's ...that time of the month again...

BALLADEER the balladeer blinks in confusion.

SECRETARY says: Wittledom township monthly paperwork.

SECRETARY shakes her head.

BALLADEER the Balladeer stares blankly into the distance.

BALLADEER says: OH! THAT time of the month!

BALLADEER nods.

JESTER says: Anyway! So our hero BALLADEER got his permit!

(Everyone cheers)

JESTER the jester gestures and the curtains swing shut once again, leaving him alone on the front of the stage.

JESTER sings:

The young man had a task, he must do well,

Or all of the poor town, will bore right to hell.

Dat pun was a bad one, but I fret you not,

It will be the last one, now lets see where BALLADEER's got...

JESTER the jester waits several moments and then shoves his head through the curtain, gasps, and turns back to the audience!

JESTER sings:

Err..and so here we are...the play's almost done…

Nice weather we're havin'...isn't this fun?

The clock sure is ticking, I got this feelin' in my gut...

The stagehands were dozin', but I'm sure now they're UP.

JESTER the jester presses his hands together in prayer and makes his way to the side of the stage once again.

JESTER the jester covers his eyes and waves a signal, causing the curtains swing open, revealing a cobblestone street hugged by buildings, with a makeshift stage in place on it.

JESTER sighs with relief.

BALLADEER the balladeer wanders on stage before a gathering of passerbys.

BALLADEER recites:

Greetings Wittledomians! I'm here to save yous!

Gather around and please hold off on throwin' shoes!

Rocks are much harder...but that's not the point,

I just want a chance to tell you, there's somethin' not right about this joint!

BALLADEER the balladeer ducks several shoes and gives a large raspberry to the crowd!

BALLADEER preens!

BALLADEER the balladeer gets hit right between the eyes by a rock with a hollow THUNK!

BALLADEER winces.

MAYOR the calm mayor makes his way onto stage.

MAYOR says calmly: Please! Fellow Wittledomians! This young bard has traveled from afar, and offers us a chance to learn from him!

MAYOR the calm mayor gestures at BALLADEER, who incidentally is ignoring the crowd in search of his secretary...

MAYOR says: Let's give him a chance, eh?

BORED LISTENER the bored listener tosses a rock up and down in her hand and stifles a yawn with the other.

MAYOR says: Its all yers, bard.

BALLADEER the balladeer strides up to the front of the stage.

BALLADEER says confidently: Greetings good people! I came here only days ago to discover this town lacks uniqueness. It has an aura of similarity about it... and I have come to cleanse you of this borish state!

BORED LISTENER asks: Is borish a word?

BALLADEER scratches his head.

BALLADEER says: I think so... Isn't it?

BALLADEER glances at the mayor.

MAYOR shrugs.

JESTER the jester clears his throat, loudly.

BALLADEER arches his eyebrows.

BALLADEER says: Bah! It doesn't matter if it is or not! You people have to learn to be individuals of the world! You have to stop dressing like this! You have to...

BORED LISTENER asks: So yer botherin' all of us to tell us you don't like the way we dress?

BALLADEER says: Exactly! ...No wait...Am I?

JESTER the jester sighs and adjusts his jester's hat, preparing to lend a hand to the ...needy hero.

JESTER says: It’s the principal of the thing!

BALLADEER says: Oh yeah!

BALLADEER sings:

If we all were the same, the world would be lame,

There'd be nothing to tame, no point to life's game.

It would be quite a shame, for you all to maim,

Life's short time frame, with such a borrin' aim!

BALLADEER says: How's that for poetry?

BALLADEER preens.

JESTER rolls his eyes.

JESTER recites:

And the people did learn, from the play put on then,

They had made a mistake, and change they began,

And forever on, they remembered that bard,

For he brought to them uniqueness, so they all changed their garb!

JESTER gestures and the curtain swings shut on the actors.

JESTER ponders a moment.

JESTER says: Well that's our play friends. I think it went rather well, too…

(Audience applauds, expecting the ending.)

JESTER the jester continues to speak. You notice smoke rising up in puffs from behind the curtain.

JESTER says: Yes, it went fine. Methinks we should do it again some time.

JESTER the jester is almost hit by the curtains as they fall down only inches behind him. Smoke rises from back stage and several gnomes carrying buckets run about tossing water on the set.

JESTER says: Ya know, when I first came up with this play I thought to myself...a jester makin' a play? Crazy! Yer askin' for trouble! But I'm kinda glad I did now...

BALLADEER the flaming actor runs off from behind stage and sprints out of the room!

JESTER frowns.

JESTER says: I knew hirin' that retired warrior mage for the new stage gnome position was a mistake.

JESTER casually sidesteps a falling piece of the stage.

JESTER says: Well, I hope ya enjoyed the play! And I thoroughly hope you found it entertainin' and humorous, as it was meant to be.

BORED LISTENER the scorched actress is carried off stage by several stage gnomes as the stage continues to smoke furiously.

JESTER says: Safe paths to you all, and remember that a good sense of humor goes a long ways.

JESTER bows.

JESTER strides off stage, the makeshift wooden structure collapsing behind him in a heap of smoke and ash!